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Zombie Top Site List

Page I
Assessing the situation
Arming yourself
Fortifying your position
Page II
Making a break for it

So the day came that you thought wouldn't. Well, let's hope you were prepared.

Whether you are or aren't, here are the basic steps you will need to take in order to survive.

Assessing the situation

The first thing we have to determine is how far into this shit you are. There are going to be three levels you will find yourself in.

  1. Zombies in your fuckin' room!
  2. You can hear the blood curdling screams of your neighbors.
  3. You turn on the news, hear of the zombie outbreak, and find out the hot spots.

Field tests and research show that most zombie attacks begin at night and the general public doesn't learn about it until the following morning. If you don't want to die the first day, you should be prepared every single morning for the possibility of imminent doom.

For this article we will use scenario 2; you arise to the chilling screams of your neighbors as they have their bodies ripped apart and their brains scooped out and eaten. First order of business; ARM YOURSELF!

Arming yourself

A wooden table leg

If you want to live, you had better arm yourself for some good old fashion zombie bashing! You would be surprised by the many suitable weapons that can be found or made from items commonly found in your own bedroom. As a rule of thumb, blunt objects are better to use. This is because they will shatter bones easily, causing the zombie to slow down, or even stop for a moment or two. Any amount of slowing down you can manage to do is critical. Cutting a zombie will only piss them off the way a paper cut does to you. Some good examples of objects suitable for bashing a zombie's head in include, but are not limited to, baseball bats, heavy based bedside lamps, bed and chair legs, or your prosthetic leg. For more in depth detail and a larger selection of weapons you can have at the ready for the first zombie that wanders into your bedroom, check out the weaponry page.

You have your bringer of zombie doom. You're ready to drop any zombie that comes within killing range. Now you need to assess the situation. Once again decision making is required. If decision making isn't your strong point you had better curl up in the fetal position and prepare to be zombie food. However, if you aren't into dying, make the following decision. "Do I stay holed up where I am and fortify my surroundings? Or, do I make a break for the nearest safe house?"

Fortifying your position

While making your decision take these things into consideration. Are you in a house with other people (family, roommates, hookers)? If so, you had better go check their living status, (as in are they alive or undead?) This is important for a few reasons; a) There will be no surprises later, b) you will have more eyes and hands to wield weapons for the upcoming zombie slaughter, and c) you'll have some decoys and zombie food (mainly talking about those pesky hookers here...). Once you've checked your situation and cleared any lurking zombies make your decision. Stay or go.

If you have time to zombie proof your habitat and have supplies, or have already prepared your zombie shelter (link) your house is probably the safest place to begin the zombie siege.

To begin, I will elaborate on the decision to stay. Depending on your situation (as explained earlier) you will either have time to fortify your position or leave it alone, but you can still prepare the interior for holding out against the invasion. First, be sure the house is EMPTY! Check every room, make sure to secure every window and door, and close lock and barricade any room you won't be using. Field research has shown that zombies will continue to follow human tendencies such as using doors to enter rooms and homes. Although, they will also come through windows. This is generally because of mobs being pressed against the windows until they get pushed through. Zombies generally can't open the window in the usual fashion because of their impaired motor functions. So, to protect against a stumbling zombie breaking into your window, block up anything low enough for one to get to. This also includes sliding glass (which are about as useful as just leaving a door open and inviting the zombies in) or screen doors. Rarely do zombies claw their way through walls.

Now work on figuring how much space you will NEED... Gather your supplies in the room(s) you will hold up in, preferably with easy access to the kitchen and bathroom. Barricade any nonessential doors and hallways. Keep in mind that you also want to make a quick escape should your shelter be breached and "one way in one way out" is never a good idea. You've seen the movies, you should know this. If you're running low on lumber such as plywood and 2x4's to build your barricades you can use beds, sofas, desks, some mattresses roped up and secured to the walls to hold off the encroaching zombie hoard. It may sound a bit silly, but keep in mind that zombies have poor motor skills and can't hop over furniture like us nimble living folks can. So a cluttered hallway is hell to them, and will keep them back for a pretty good amount of time.

After barricading unnecessary rooms make sure all lights are turned off, since zombies are drawn to light like moths to a flame. Now, go WWII style on your shelter. Blackout the windows, (yes you've barricaded them, but light will still leak out) use curtains and heavy blankets. You do NOT want light leaking out to attract wandering zombie eyes. If the power is still on, use it to gather as much water as you can. Use pots, pans, bowls, anything that can hold water. Who knows when the power will go out, or if it will come back on at all, and you don't want to be without water.


A sample 72-hour kit

Next, grab a battery powered radio and tune in to your local news station to get a grasp on the situation. Now that you are ready to stay, get ready to make a run for it should the need arise. Prepare a "grab and go pack". If you haven't packed one beforehand as described in our preparation page, there are a few essential items you should stuff into a sturdy knapsack so that should you be found by the zombies, or find out where the resistance is, you can book it without having to hunt for last minute items. These items include a flashlight and some extra batteries, a portable radio (like the one you've been listening to the news on...), a knife, plenty of water, a blanket or sleeping bag, a compass, some rope, a jacket, a first aid kit for non zombie caused injuries, a lighter or matches, and some canned food. These items are pretty average and most people should have them lying around the house. If you're one of those "plan ahead I'm going to live through this" types, check out the more extensive list of things you should include in a full 72-hour survival kit here.

With a few simple household items you can effectively kill a zombie that creeps into your room wanting to chomp on your head, and barricade your house to withstand a mild attack and buy yourself enough time to pack, plan, and gather enough Intel so you'll know when, where and how to move to the resistance.

Enough with the staying and onto the more adventurous portion of this; leaving.

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